I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
