well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
