so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
