i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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