i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
