peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
