I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
