Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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