I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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