It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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