I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
