No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
