Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
