Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
