i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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