I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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