paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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