i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
