I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
