Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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