Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
