Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
