I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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