So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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