I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
