I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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