Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you still have your period?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
