You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
