It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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