Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
