my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A bitchslap is in order.
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