i think i have two assholes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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