I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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