On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
