Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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