The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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