Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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