I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
well, you know. whores of a feather.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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