I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
