his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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