I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
