She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
