Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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