My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ugly people sure do ruin things
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
