it's not cheating when I paid for it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
