trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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