Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
