I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
