he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
