I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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