I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize