So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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