I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We need to get me chipped asap
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
