Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
