I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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