Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
