Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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