Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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