I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I AM VODKA MAN
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
