He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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