How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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