So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
