Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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