apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
