drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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