he wants to bone in the snuggie
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
