Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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