Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
