Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
