The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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