Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
