She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
