i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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