we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
