The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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